


He Will Be Gone

by Jade_twi_tay



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Genre: Gen, here there is only pain, i dont even know 200 people, i love sadness, it says CMBYN but it's universal, lets all be mildly uncomfortable bc 2nd person, new to the fandom this is so cool, no happy thoughts here, this is nothing but angst, trippppyyy, trying to understand how nearly 200 ppl have read my writing now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-23 03:44:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23771941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade_twi_tay/pseuds/Jade_twi_tay
Summary: This is going to kill you when it's over.Fuck it, it's already killing you
Relationships: Oliver/Elio Perlman, Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer, its generic
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	He Will Be Gone

**Author's Note:**

> *This is depressing as fuck, read at own risk*

This is going to kill you when it's over.

Fuck it, it's already killing you. That's the worst part- the knowing.

Knowing that every time he smiles or laughs or dies that thing where he scrunched his eyebrows and sucks his cheek in it's another shard of glass piercing your heart.

And you adore it.

Oh god, you _adore_ it. 

But how could you not? 

How could you not when he looks at you like that. Like you're his sun and stars and his whole damn sky. When he flits his fingers over your shoulders and collarbones and back as if you're the most precious thing he's seen in his entire life. When he whispers into your ear and catches your tears with his thumb before kissing the salt away. 

He'll never tell you he loves you. He'll never have to. You've doubted a thousand things in your life but not that. Never that. 

And you didn't know it could feel like this. Even now you're not completely sure it's real. He needs to remind you sometimes. When it's dark and quiet and the air is heavy with everything you don't need to say. When he holds you just so that you remember that he's real and solid and not going anywhere (except he is). He has to remind you that you're not going to wake up and watch it slip away in a mist of iridescence and sunlight.

You love him desperately. And it's nowhere near enough. 

That's why fate branded you with an expiration date, searing it into your hearts with a white-hot burning. 

That's why every kiss and glance and tear is framed in the fact that this is all stained with the subtle glow of impermanence. 

And. It. Kills. You. 

It's going to be worse. You know it will. Because at least right now you _have_ him. So even though it hurts unbearably, you can focus on the stars in his eyes and, even if just for a second, you can pretend. Get lost in the infinities that only come with impossibility. Soon though, there will be oceans and lives and promises and dreams between you. 

And so, you know. Even when you try to forget, that this will destroy you. 

It will eviscerate you. 

You Will Shatter. 

and when the dust settles, and the smoke clears. 

He will be gone. 

And you will wait, watching the empty horizon, for him to come back. 

(he wont.)

**Author's Note:**

> as you can see I am in a lovely headspace right now. comment pls, I need validation


End file.
